The Best Moments In Life

1. Falling in love.



2. Laughing till your stomach hurts.



3. Enjoying a ride down the country side.



4. Listening to your favorite song on the radio.



5. Going to sleep listening to the rain pouring outside.



6. Getting out of the shower and wrapping yourself with a warm, fuzzy towel.





7. Passing your final exams with good grades.



8. Being a part of an interesting conversation.



9. Finding some money in some old

pants.



10. Laughing at yourself.



11. Sharing a wonderful dinner with all your friends.



12. Laughing without a reason.





13. "Accidentally" hearing someone say something good about you



14. Watching the sunset...



15. Listening to a song that reminds you of an important person in your life.



16. Receiving or giving your first kiss.



17. Feeling this buzz in your body when seeing this

"special" someone.





18. Having a great time with your friends.



19. Seeing the one you love happy.



20. Wearing the shirt of a person you love and smelling his/her perfume.



21. Visiting an old friend of yours and

remembering great memories.



22. Hearing someone telling you "I LOVE YOU"

willi dance-pati, nico rynz, didi mp4.mp4

The 6 Affairs

The 1st Affair
A married man was having an affair
with his secretary.

One day they went to her place
and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep
and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed
and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child
he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can
be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'No, not this time!'


The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
about to be cremated,
and made a startling discovery.
Schwartz had the largest private part
he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated
with such an impressive private part.
It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,
and took it home.

'I have something to show
you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'


The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover
when she heard her husband
opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,
then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'
she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired
as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned
with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'


The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed.

He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak
and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'

The bartender replied:
'The same thing I'm doing
to his business down here.'


The 6th & Best Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:
'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,
'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend,
her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know.' she replied.
'That's why I poisoned you. Now just rest and let the poison work.

Don't you just love kids?

Just for laughs

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie....... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher....

What was killing your social life: then and now?

Aids!

A Nigerian man called his mom from the USA


Man :Mom, I have AIDS.


Mother: Heeeee...chinekee! Don't come back home woo, my son woo,don't come back home. God forbid!


Man : Why mom, why now, what I do nowooo?


Mother: Heeee....you foolish boy! You see my son, if you come back home, then your wife will be infected. From
your wife to your broda, from your broda to our maido, from our maido to your DAADY,
from your daady to my sisto, from my sisto to her hosband, from him to me,
from me to the gardener, from the gardener to your sister. And if your sister
got AIDs, heeeee, then the whole village is in trouble..wooo !

So in the name of GODwoo...PLEASE SAVE OUR VILLAGEwoo, DON'T COME BACK
HOMEwoo!!!!!!

Facebook launches guide for journalism schools | IJNet

Facebook launches guide for journalism schools | IJNet