Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Polish Remover!
A Polish Man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
lawyer : Have you any grounds?
Polish Man : Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
lawyer : No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Polish Man : It made of concrete.
lawyer : I don't think you understand: Does either of you have a real grudge?
Polish Man : No, we have carport, and not need one.
lawyer : I mean What are your relations like?
Polish Man : All my relations still in Poland.
lawyer : Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Polish Man : We have hi:fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
lawyer : Does your wife beat you up?
Polish Man : No, I always up before her.
lawyer : Is your wife a nagger?
Polish Man : No, she white.
lawyer : Why do you want this divorce?
Polish Man : She going to kill me.
lawyer : What makes you think that?
Polish Man : I got proof.
lawyer : What kind of proof?
Polish Man : She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
lawyer : Have you any grounds?
Polish Man : Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
lawyer : No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
Polish Man : It made of concrete.
lawyer : I don't think you understand: Does either of you have a real grudge?
Polish Man : No, we have carport, and not need one.
lawyer : I mean What are your relations like?
Polish Man : All my relations still in Poland.
lawyer : Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
Polish Man : We have hi:fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
lawyer : Does your wife beat you up?
Polish Man : No, I always up before her.
lawyer : Is your wife a nagger?
Polish Man : No, she white.
lawyer : Why do you want this divorce?
Polish Man : She going to kill me.
lawyer : What makes you think that?
Polish Man : I got proof.
lawyer : What kind of proof?
Polish Man : She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) ...she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this.
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.
Jane's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.
It only takes a minute to read this.
A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE
Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR. Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today.)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.
If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.
New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out his tongue. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Royal Autograph
From:
To:
Your Royal Highness,
My name is Dr Tibor M. Celler, 41, and I live in Serbia.
I'm contacting you in hope that you will send me Your Royal Highness's autograph.
I am a physician, a historian and author of several books. I've been collecting autographs of
prominent persons and world leaders since 1987, and today my collection has
more than 2.400 authentic signatures.
However, my collection will not be perfect without your personally handwritten autograph. I know you have more important things to do and that your schedule probably doesn’t allow requests like mine. But please know that many other prominent persons have made an exemption of their practice of not signing. It would be an honour to include your authentic signature as well and I would love a greeting like: "To Dr Celler..." on a photo.
Let me use this opportunity to express my sincere compliments for your work and achievements.
I hope to hear from you soon. Thank you for your time and consideration.
With best wishes from Serbia to you and Your Royal Highness's loved ones,
Yours sincerely,
Dr Tibor M. Celler
academician
Postal address:
39 Nikola Durkovic St
SRB-24323 Feketics
SERBIA
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