Application of the Decade

Dear Sir


I refer to the recent death of the Technical Manager at your company and

wish to apply for the replacement of the dead manager.


Each time I apply for employment I am told there is no vacancy but on this

one, I have caught you red handed coz I even attended the funeral and all

burial proceedings and made sure that he was truly dead before applying. I

can remember you saying at the funeral that he will be very difficult to

replace, meaning there is no one at the moment. Well it's your lucky day

sir; you already have found the best man for the job so look no more.


It is sad but strategic though, that he has left us, at least now I stand to

benefit as he has left a vacancy for me. For that I shall forever be

grateful for his timely death. He too always spoke of early retirement and I

guess this serves him well too. A deal that benefits all should be the

substance of a fine businessman. Ironic, yes but death is truly very fair.

Just imagine, the company no longer has to pay his retirement funds.


The company will not have to worry about paying me a relocation allowance

because he was my neighbour and it will be easy for me to simply jump over

the Durawall into that beautiful big company house. I also took it into my

hands to quickly buy a drivers' licence as I am sure the Toyota

4x4 will also be handed over to me. And sir, don't even try to cheat
me on this one because I even know the mileage reading on that beautiful machine. This just

goes on to prove that I am a determined self starter who is attentive to

detail. Amiable qualities that speak for themselves.


I am sure that after reading this, there won't be any need for a CV, just

verification if I am up for the challenge. For that sir, I will be sending

my pictures taken whilst attending the funeral and burial so that you can

see how tough I was and can be when employed. As for my referees, well the

same dead manager was my referee so we can safely skip that part.


I only hope there will be no corruption as we are all still mourning. Thanks

for advertising at the funeral because I could not have known


Yours ever smiling even in tough times.

Toughman Strong.

Scam.com

I would like to share with you this scam I received from a purpotedly world bank official using a Gmail address and requesting for a small payment through Western Union. naturally if out of the 1,000 people he scams, 10% pay, he/she would earn a clean US $5,500! Subject: Re: International Monetary Fund. Code: 60 From: "International Monetary Fund" Date: Fri, February 4, 2011 9:29 am To: undisclosed-recipients:; Priority: Normal Options: View Full Header | View Printable Version | Download this as a file

Attn: Client, My name is Adetomi Peter Olakunle and I am the new IMF payment officer to release your pending fund to you. I am directed to deliver your fund to you in the form of cash which worth the sum $15.5 Million Dollars by IMF (International Monetary Fund). Send me your full mailing address and your contact phone number for final verification before I move to deliver to your home in person. You only have to pay the sum of $55 which you have to send to the below information: Name: Adetomi Peter Olakunle Address: City: Lagos, Nigeria Text Question: Pending Answer: Fund Amount: $55 Your fund is sealed in a computerised locked box and only you is authorized to open the box when I deliver it to you which makes it impossible for me to deduct the $55. The fee is required to release a computerised code which you will use to open your box when I get to your home, only you will be given the code for security reasons when I get to your home. Send the money through Western Union or Money Gram as soon as possible. E-mail me payment information once you make the payment so I can move immediately. I will leave immediately I confirm $55 payment from you. Thanks, Adetomi Peter Olakunle. International Monetary Fund.

Loving Mom

My mom only had one eye. I hated her... She was such an embarrassment.

.

She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.

There was this one-day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.

I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me?

I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.

The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has one eye!"

I wanted to bury myself.

I also wanted my mom to just disappear..

I confronted her that day and said, " If you're only gonna make me a laughing stock, why don't you just die?"

My mom did not respond....

I didn't even stop to think for a second about what I had said, because I was full of anger.

I was oblivious to her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her.

So I studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married.

I bought a house of my own.

I had kids of my own.

I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts, Then one day, my mother came to visit me.

She hadn't seen me in years and she didn't even meet her

Grandchildren. When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at her for coming over uninvited.

I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house and scare my children!"

GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"

And to this, my mother quietly answered, "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong address,"

And she disappeared out of sight..

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house..

So I lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip.

After the reunion, I went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died.

I did not shed a single tear..

They handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have..

"My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I'm sorry that I came to your house and scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion.

But I may not be able to even get out of bed to see you.

I'm sorry that I was a constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see.........when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost your eye.

As a mother, I couldn't stand watching you

Having to grow up with one eye.

So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother..

Rwanda Needs To Succeed Spectacularly. And It Also Needs To Fail Dramatically - Africapedia - Africa Facts and Data.

Rwanda Needs To Succeed Spectacularly. And It Also Needs To Fail Dramatically - Africapedia - Africa Facts and Data.

Face to Face with Poverty!!

A friend of muine visiting the Headquarters of Poverty in busoga posted this online:

We have been talking about poverty and there is no lack of evidence for it. But to be confronted with real people heavily struggling with its ugly head is quite a different thing. Take this man I visited. He is about 80 yrs old and was once a prosperous farmer, with 2 wives. But somehow life has been very unkind. The two wives left at some point. He now lives alone, except for a slightly younger sister who tries to care for him, as much as is possible with her own disabilities and old age. I had visited him about 20 yrs ago, with my late dad, and so I sort of still had the same lingering memories. I was, hence, quite thrown off to discover that even the path leading to his house had meantime been overgrown with bush (especially kapanga) and definitely no car had driven that end for a very long tme. I ended up having to literally drive through bush with the car getting scratched (a re-vanish had to be done later). Before leaving later that day, I organised and we did some basic slashing to restore some kind of accessability and decency. The slashers and hoes we used were long not used and would have needed sharpening. But there was no time for that. So we made do with what we had, in the scorching noonday sun.

When we arrived, the old man was in his room, hardly able to answer our koodhi calls. It was dark in the house (which he had built in better days with local bricks and iron roof) and it was even darker in his room.We were hit by an unmistakable stench of sickness and lack of care! I hesitated to immediately enter the old man´s room and instead advised that we first look for his sister, who would be better placed to handle the situation. When she finally came from the garden, bare-footed and back heavily stooping, I was very touched when she broke into pure joy, doing some Kisoga ululation in greeting. She even summorned all her energy for a tired and aged trot to come and embrace me. Nobody had embraced me in a long time with such purity and abandon.

She then led us to the semblance of a living room, dusting an old and creeky chair for me, disappearing in the darkness of her ailing brother´s room to help him come out to greet us. It was almost like an eternity as she helped him up and into a kanzu which somehow got put on with the front end behind. But that did not seem to matter now! Supporting him on one side and his walking stick helping on the other side, the tragic couple stumbled and struggled out of that room. When I saw them at the doorway, I rushed to help her out and took over. She indicated an even creekier chair where he could sit. Very, very slowly and as carefully as I could, I lowered him onto the chair, fearful it would finally collapse when it least needed to. I pulled my own chair nearer his and focused on figuring out how to engage him. His eyes were hollow, face heavily sheepish and voice a far-cry from the strength of many years ago, when I visited him. As far as it was feasible, we held a conversation, if you could call it that, his sister filling in most details. I had some bottled water in the car and so I found it imperative to offer him water. I poured it in a metallic gama (I had not seen such cups for ages) that was on the nearby table. With trembling hand, he took the cup and drunk! The way he drunk, he must have been really, really thirsty....

In putting some detail together, I concluded the most important issue here was lack of the most basic care for a very sick man and at the bottom of this was biting poverty, with all its vagaries and ugliness. I did what I could for this situation, including financing delivery of milk every day and some money for a medical check-up. But I was all the time nursing an uncomfortable feeling deep in me that this could be a far more prevalent situation all over Busoga, especially in the villages, than I ever really imagined. Our people were really heavily languishing in the unforgiving claws of poverty and basic want...

The iPhone 5

It is not true the Iphone 5 is trying to compete with the Android and this is completely delirious. The Android won't even come close to the capabilities offered by the new iPhone when it comes out.

Since the iphone 5 is coming out in the next few months, it is better to wait for that if you were positioning yourself to buy an iphone 4. According to Ciao katherine, an Apple fan - one of those Apple fangirls that you see walk into the Apple store and spend 30 minutes asking the employees all sorts of uber geek questions - some of the expected features are:

• The new iPhone 5 is expected to have Face Recognition Security so that you don't have to worry about other people stealing your phone and trying to use it... That is, unless they steal your face too. (Anyone seen Face Off?)
• Video Chat on a 4G network instead of a slow 3G one
• Much nicer overall body design of the phone. It's going to be even thinner and have a shiny black piece.
• Shatter Resistant and Scratch Resistant Screen
• The lowest model will come with 32G of space and 64G of memory. You will be able to store your whole computer on the lowest model of the iPhone 5. (Yippeee for me).
• Longer Battery Life - Up to 14 Hours of Talk Time On The 3G and 7 Hours on the 4G. (With 14 hours of talking to your girl/boyfriends, you will only have 10 hours to sleep-)
• HD Audio - The quality of sound is going to be extra crisp.
• Built In GPS - You'll never get lost or have to download one of those stupid GPS apps.

How much will the new iPhone 5 cost? I can't speculate on that, but I'm going to assume it'll run you over $500. It's definitely going to be worth it though, and I can't wait for it to come out.

Computer Enhancers

Computer Enhancers