Letter from Banta of India to Bill Gates

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon, which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows say 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Last one from me to Mr. Bill Gates:

Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?

Kyoka Lawyers !!!

Be careful!!!

One of the renowned lawyers in Kampala had made love to a city prostitute who unfortunately forgot to take her panty from the lawyer's car.

Afterwards he drove home and as usual the wife came out with open arms, hugged him warmly and led him to the house. The man then remembered, "Honey please rush to the car and get the groceries.

Sorry I forgot to bring it with me after the hug."

The lady dashed to the car. What met her eyes? A woman's panty!!!!!! "Caught this idiot today" she thought. "You thought you could escape this time round!" She muttered. With all her strength she tore the panty into pieces and rushed back to the husband ready to tear him down.

During all this time' the man had realized his folly and was ready.

He was smart enough. "Now why do you ruin my life?" the lady asked. "You! Do you realize what you have just done?" the husband stammered outrageously "That's the case worth ten million shillings I told you about yesterday and the panty was the rape evidence.

What am I going to present before court tomorrow? Why do you rush into action without consulting me first? You must produce that item!"

Unbelievably the wife was so sorry. She even went to look for the torn pieces and brought back to her husband with a promise never to repeat the mistake.

She wouldn't imagine her husband losing 10 million.

Really who should have apologized?

NEVER GET INVOLVED WITH A LAWYER!!!!!

WHY MEN LIE

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above
river, his axe fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"

The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water,
and he needed the axe to make his living.

The Lord went down in the water and reappeared with a golden axe.
"Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe.
"Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."

The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe.
"Is this your axe?"the Lord asked.

"Yes", he replied.

The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all
three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the
riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.

When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him,
"Why are you crying?"

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez.
"Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the woodcutter.

The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter fell to his knees and cried, "Oh, forgive me, Lord. It
is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Jennifer Lopez,
You would have come up with Catherine Zeta-Jones. Then if I also said
'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said
'yes,'
you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not
able to take care of all three wives, and I love my wife such that I
don't want her to share me with anyone, so THAT'S why I said yes to
Jennifer Lopez."

The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and
honourable reason, and for the benefit of others.. MOSTLY his wife!

That's our F**** story, and we're sticking to it..

A Story to live by

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boy friend.

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind.

The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.

Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today, before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren...

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet..

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job..

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -

Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

MALE Vs FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.” *************************************** MALE PROCEDURE: 1. Drive up to the cash machine. 2. Put down your car window. 3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN. 4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw. 5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt. 6. Put window up. 7. Drive off. FEMALE PROCEDURE: (What is really funny is that most of this part is the Truth!) 1. Drive up to cash machine. 2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine. 3. Set parking brake, put the window down. 4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate ATM card. 5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up. 6. Attempt to insert ATM card into machine. 7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car. 8. Insert ATM card. 9. Re-insert card the right way. 10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page. 11. Enter PIN. 12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN. 13. Enter amount of cash required. 14. Check makeup in rear view mirror. 15. Retrieve cash and receipt. 16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside. 17. Write debit amount in cheque register and place receipt in back of cheque book. 18. Re-check makeup. 19. Drive forward 2 feet. 20. Reverse back to cash machine. 21. Retrieve ATM card. 22. Re-empty hand bag, locate ATM card holder, and place card into the slot provided! 23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you. 24. Restart stalled engine and pull off. 25. Redial person on cell phone. 26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles. 27. Release Parking Brake.

Absentee Notes

These are absentee notes from parents (inclusive of original spelling)
collected from schools all over South Africa.

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today.
Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Promise for being absent. She was sick and I had her
shot.

3. Dear School : Please ekscuse Sipho being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30,
31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Glorious from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Please excuse Blessing from P.E. for a few days. Yesterday he fell
out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. Edwed has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his
face..

7. Moses was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was
hurt in the growing part.

8. Millicentia could not come to school today because she has been
bothered by very close veins.

9. Philemon will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side

10. Please excuse Justice Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Khanyile from being absent yesterday. He had (diahre)
(dyrea) (direathe) the shits.



12. Please excuse Thomaas for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea
and his boots leak.

13. Petros was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Reginald for being. It was his father's fault.

15. I kept Beauty home because she was to go Christmas shopping because
I don't know what size she wear.

16. Please ekxcuse Wiseman for missing school yesterday. We forgot to
get the Sunday paper off verunda, and when we found it Monday, we
thought it was Sunday.

17. Sihle won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her
funeral.

18. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a
weekend with the Marines.

19. Please excuse Johnwood for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and
could not breed well.

20.Please excuse Good Fortune for being absent yesterday. She was in bed
with gramps.

21. Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.

22. Please excuse Bhoniswa , she has been sick and under the doctor.

23. Winnie was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore
throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and
sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I
wasn't the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something
going around, her father even got hot last night.

24. Please excuse my little Mavundla for not being in school yesterday.
His father is gone and I could not get him ready because I was in bed
with the doctor

Why you are not rich

You are not rich yet because you have chosen to stay the way you are. If you decided to day to change the world inside you, chances are high that the world on the outside will also change.

Try this short exercise, perhaps you will understand better what I am talking about.

1. On a piece of paper, write all the reasons why you believe you are not yet rich today.
2. Now go through your reasons, you will realize that most of them are either excuses or justifications that are grounding your inertia to start.

Get started today; decide to change your world.