Wednesday, September 1, 2010
The Music Of The Tree
While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, John came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the trunk.
Seeing this John inquired: 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?'
'I'm listening to the music of the tree,' the stranger replied.
'You've gotta be kiddin' me!'
'No, would you like to give it a try?'
Understandably curious, John decided to give it a go.
So he wrapped his arms around the tree and gently pressed his ear up against the rough bark.
Quick as a flash the stranger slapped a pair of handcuffs on John, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys and cell phone before stripping him naked and leaving him securely cuffed to the tree.
Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw John handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, 'What the hell happened to you?'
Shaking with cold John proceeded to tell the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.
At the end of John's sorry tale, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, as he unzipped his pants: 'This just isn’t your day, cupcake...
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Have a laugh
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St.
Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on . very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
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Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Mick.
He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Brigit. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump.
A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Brigit staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Paddy?"
Paddy said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Brigit said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."
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Hot Air Balloon
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an engineer", says the balloonist.
"I am", replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well", says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."
The man below says, "You must be in management."
"I am", replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
Mobile Internet causes Cyber cafes to collapse
A few years ago, cyber cafes were a sure venture of making money. With a few computers, constant power supply, one could mint money opening from 8.00am to midnight. There used to be long lines to access computers to go online. All over Uganda, including far-flung areas, Internet cafes ruled.
According to the Red Pepper of 18 August 2010, the United Nations Department of Economic and Social Affairs using statistics from International Telecom Union, revealed that Uganda had only 40,000 Internet users in the year 2000, the figure shot up to 2,500,000 in 2009. A quick look at the traffic metrics website Alexa.com, reveals that the most visited websites in Uganda are Face book, Yahoo, Google, You Tube, Live.com, Wikipedia, MSN, Twitter, LinkedIn, BBC etc.
Today, UTL has the biggest market share of data market. It has had the 3G service for a couple of years. However, Orange a new entrant in the telecommunications market came with a bang. MTN was to follow much later with its 3.5 G USB modem. The days of accessing Internet through a fixed phone and a wireless antenna pointed at the satellite of the service provider are gone
With modem prices down to shs. 70,000 as offered by Orange, and 500MB at shs. 25,000 per month, Internet is now affordable at home and everywhere else. It is no longer cool to while away your time at an Internet café.
The two big telecom players have dealt the death knoll to Internet cafes; MTN Uganda and Orange who are fighting for subscribers by offering them a chance to access their face book profiles on their mobile phones for free! Yes, for free! Zero cost to mobile user. Making the social networking platform, face book is slowly but surely becoming a household item.
DATA and mobile Internet services are emerging as the new competition war front for service providers ever since the landing of undersea fibre optic cables, TEAMS and SEACOM, about a year ago.
Users on the Orange network, can:
- Get Facebook for free on wap-enabled mobile phone - Go to m.facebook.com to view photos, chat or say what’s on your mind, with Orange Mobile Internet - users are only charged if they try uploading photos to their account or accessing external links at a rate of 0.9/= per kb.
MTN Uganda on the other hand, offers:
- free mobile browsing on the new site: http://0.facebook.com (facebook zero) - Facebook Zero is optimized for speed. Users are charged when they browse photos - users are able to update their profile status messages
Telecoms are ever looking for ways to entice subscribers to their networks. The battle is slowly but surely shifting to how to turn the growing number of online users to continually access the Internet on their mobile phones.
Uganda tests submarines!
Vision gone wrong??
NASASIRA TRIBUTARY
FISHING IN LAKE LUBAGA
ST40 SUBMARINE CROSSING LAKE INTINDA
TESTING THE S50 SUBMARINE IN LAKE KATWE
DRIVING TEST
BOAT ENTERS LAKE KISENYI
NIAGANDA FALLS
MZUNGU SUKUMAAAA!
SAYINI POSITI
THE VISION!!!
Monday, August 30, 2010
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in
1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in
1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born
in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born
in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by
'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and
hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran
and hid in a theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their
trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe,
Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn
Monroe.
Creepy huh?
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