Uganda tests submarines!

Vision gone wrong??

LAKE BUNYONYI


NASASIRA TRIBUTARY


FISHING IN LAKE LUBAGA


ST40 SUBMARINE CROSSING LAKE INTINDA


TESTING THE S50 SUBMARINE IN LAKE KATWE


DRIVING TEST


BOAT ENTERS LAKE KISENYI


NIAGANDA FALLS



MZUNGU SUKUMAAAA!


SAYINI POSITI




THE VISION!!!

Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the
White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in
1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in
1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born
in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born
in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by
'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and
hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran
and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their
trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe,
Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn
Monroe.

Creepy huh?

Don't mess with children!

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.'

The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell? '

The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him' ...

…………………………………………………………………………………

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, 'I'm drawing God. '

The teacher paused and said, 'But no one knows what God looks like.'

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, 'They will in a minute.'

………….........................................................................................

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old.

After explaining the commandment to 'honour' thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, 'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, 'Thou shall not kill.'

................................................................................

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?'

Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, ' Mummy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'

..........................................................................................................

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ' There's Jennifer, she' s a lawyer, 'or' That's Michael, He's a doctor.. '

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher, she's dead.'

....................................................................................

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, 'Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.'

'Yes,' the class said.

'Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?'

A little fellow shouted,

'Cause your feet ain't empty.'

..................................................................................

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

'Take only ONE . God is watching.'

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

A child had written a note, 'Take all you want. God is watching the apples...'

European Union Language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English" .

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

SEX IN MARRIAGE

What else can I say: Please share with your partner.

Good Luck.

Sex according to Pastor Katidde (Ugandan)

A lot of people don't associate sex with God - they associate it with Satan
and darkness, as if sex weren't holy. The bible is explicit when it comes to
sex. Sex is holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style. Nowhere in
the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only sexual style. Not
discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!! .

Pastor Katidde has counseled women who've complained: my husband treats me
as if I were his brother. There was one who told him: I am tired of getting sex
monthly, like a salary. Katidde told her she was lucky to be getting sex
monthly, since some wives only get it on big days, like elections, christmas etc.

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Kisenyi. Have
you ever asked yourself what those wives have that you don't. Wives have become
very frigid and even sleep with their panties. If you're a married woman, you
should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband. Today you find men going
out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina. They page through magazines and
even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what's hidden under
panties, because their wives hide it from them.

Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman
should parade naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many
married women who don't know what their husbands' penises look like. They only
feel it when he enters her. They've never touched it, let alone see it, because
the husband switches off the lights before undressing. A penis is a wife's toy -
she is supposed to play with it.

He blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being
tired after a day's work. You find many couples who've been sexually starved
for years. God created sex for procreation and also for pleasure.You can't marry
and not have a good time in bed.

WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?

Why can't you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife?We're

all equal in sex - it's not just about a woman satisfying a man. You have to
satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have u
noticed how she glows and becomes energetic? May the Lord Bless you. This is the
"Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth" so God ! Help Us From The Beginning.


TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING..... ..
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and yo! ur nose was runny
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V

Of the times we did get together:

You had no time or care the least to prepare me and that didn't border you even
when I was dry inside. You slept soon after you came and you didn't care if I had to come too. The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you
prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
This game has been played since 1996.
You must send this letter to 7 people.
On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
This is! not a joke.
It has worked for many years.
If you break the chain,
you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.
This is just for future readers.
This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works.

So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week

If you read this on a Monday, wish for money

If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love

If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success

If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want

If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date

If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call

Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).

Smart Ugandans

Ugandans are smarter.

Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in Washington D.C.
One was from Bangladesh , another from Uganda and the third, from China
.
They went with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor took out a tape measure and did some
measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will need about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also did some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and
$100 profit for me)".
The Ugandan contractor didn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official says, incredulous, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Ugandan contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replied the government official

AN INTERESTING FACT!!

(A sect in India) used to take their Dead & lay them to rest at huge
'Wind Towers' (round structures that Look like Giant Water reservoirs,
but open to the air)..The Parsees never buried their dead, nor burned
them.

They leave them to the Birds of Prey (Vultures) to be eaten thus completing
the Life Cycle...around 10 years ago, it was noticed that the Birds are
dying off. Not many of them were left to consume the dead bodies (which
started dcomposing)...So, the Parsees had to change this mode of dealing
with their dead..

BUT, they wanted to know why a Custom that survived for hundreds of
years,had to be suspended?

They did Autopsies on Dead Birds (they were dying in huge numbers).Who was
the Culprit??? PARACETAMOL (also known as PANADOL).....!!

People started consuming pain-killers decades ago, Panadol STAYS in the
Liver for a Long Time..It ultimately accumulated in the Birds' systems &
they couldn't cope with it!

Interesting to know about ...........PANADOL;
A man was working in a hospital as an IT engineer, as the hospital
is planning to set up a database of its patients and he knew some of
the doctors quite well. The doctors used to tell him that whenever they
have a headache, they are not willing to take PANADOL / PARACETAMOL.

In fact, the would turn to Herbal Medicine or find other alternatives.
This is because Panadol is toxic to the body, and it harms the liver.
According to the doctor: Panadol will remain in the body for at least 5
years.....!!

And according to the doctor, there was an air-hostess who consumed
lots of Panadol as she needed to stand all the time and work under lots
of pressure. She's now in her early 30's, and she is undergoing kidney cleaning
(DIALYSIS) every month.

Whenever we have a headache, that's because it is due to the electron/
ION imbalance in the brain. Some alternative solution to cope with this
matter is Drink lots of water.

Another method will be to submerge your feet in a basin of warm water so
that it brings the blood pressure down from your throbbing head.

As Panadol is a pain killer, the more Panadol you take, the lesser would
be your threshold for pain (your endurance level for pain). We all will
fall ill as we age. Imagine that we had spent our entire life popping
quite a substantial amount of Panadol (Pain Killer), when you need to
have a surgery or operation,you will need a much more amount of general
anaesthesia.

The thought is scary enough to turn people to Herbal Medicine or other
healthier alternatives.

Value your health, value your life, THINK TWICE before you easily pop
that familiar pill into your mouth again.

Please don't take PANADOL always.