SEX IN MARRIAGE

What else can I say: Please share with your partner.

Good Luck.

Sex according to Pastor Katidde (Ugandan)

A lot of people don't associate sex with God - they associate it with Satan
and darkness, as if sex weren't holy. The bible is explicit when it comes to
sex. Sex is holy within marriage, and there is no prescribed style. Nowhere in
the Bible does it say that the missionary position is the only sexual style. Not
discussing sex in a relationship leads to divorce!!!!! .

Pastor Katidde has counseled women who've complained: my husband treats me
as if I were his brother. There was one who told him: I am tired of getting sex
monthly, like a salary. Katidde told her she was lucky to be getting sex
monthly, since some wives only get it on big days, like elections, christmas etc.

Many husbands leave their wives to seek sexual pleasures in Kisenyi. Have
you ever asked yourself what those wives have that you don't. Wives have become
very frigid and even sleep with their panties. If you're a married woman, you
should sleep naked and let your bum touch your husband. Today you find men going
out of their way to get a glimpse of a vagina. They page through magazines and
even go to lingerie departments in stores hoping to see what's hidden under
panties, because their wives hide it from them.

Marriage is about being free with your body in front of your partner. A woman
should parade naked and do some modeling to tempt her husband. There are many
married women who don't know what their husbands' penises look like. They only
feel it when he enters her. They've never touched it, let alone see it, because
the husband switches off the lights before undressing. A penis is a wife's toy -
she is supposed to play with it.

He blames couples for not making time for sex and complaining about being
tired after a day's work. You find many couples who've been sexually starved
for years. God created sex for procreation and also for pleasure.You can't marry
and not have a good time in bed.

WHO SAID YOU CAN ONLY HAVE SEX AT NIGHT?

Why can't you drive home during lunch and have a quickie with your wife?We're

all equal in sex - it's not just about a woman satisfying a man. You have to
satisfy each other. Have you ever seen a woman who has been satisfied? Have u
noticed how she glows and becomes energetic? May the Lord Bless you. This is the
"Whole Truth, Nothing But The Truth" so God ! Help Us From The Beginning.


TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

KEEP READING..... ..
TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
you didn't get more than you did:
5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't come
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and yo! ur nose was runny
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V

Of the times we did get together:

You had no time or care the least to prepare me and that didn't border you even
when I was dry inside. You slept soon after you came and you didn't care if I had to come too. The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you
prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.


Once you read this letter you have to keep it going.
This game has been played since 1996.
You must send this letter to 7 people.
On the 5th day someone will ask you out or say "I love you."
This is! not a joke.
It has worked for many years.
If you break the chain,
you will have bad luck with guys/girls forever.
This is just for future readers.
This began in 1996,not much of a past, but it works.

So here are the rules:
If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week

If you read this on a Monday, wish for money

If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love

If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success

If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want

If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date

If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call

Send this to seven people (after you make a wish).

Smart Ugandans

Ugandans are smarter.

Three contractors were bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in Washington D.C.
One was from Bangladesh , another from Uganda and the third, from China
.
They went with a White House official to examine the fence.
The Bangladesh contractor took out a tape measure and did some
measuring, then worked some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I
figure the job will need about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my
team and $100 profit for me)".
The Chinese contractor also did some measuring and figuring, then says,
"I can do this job for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and
$100 profit for me)".
The Ugandan contractor didn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, "$2,700."
The official says, incredulous, "You didn't even measure like the other
guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
The Ugandan contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and
we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."
"Done!" replied the government official

AN INTERESTING FACT!!

(A sect in India) used to take their Dead & lay them to rest at huge
'Wind Towers' (round structures that Look like Giant Water reservoirs,
but open to the air)..The Parsees never buried their dead, nor burned
them.

They leave them to the Birds of Prey (Vultures) to be eaten thus completing
the Life Cycle...around 10 years ago, it was noticed that the Birds are
dying off. Not many of them were left to consume the dead bodies (which
started dcomposing)...So, the Parsees had to change this mode of dealing
with their dead..

BUT, they wanted to know why a Custom that survived for hundreds of
years,had to be suspended?

They did Autopsies on Dead Birds (they were dying in huge numbers).Who was
the Culprit??? PARACETAMOL (also known as PANADOL).....!!

People started consuming pain-killers decades ago, Panadol STAYS in the
Liver for a Long Time..It ultimately accumulated in the Birds' systems &
they couldn't cope with it!

Interesting to know about ...........PANADOL;
A man was working in a hospital as an IT engineer, as the hospital
is planning to set up a database of its patients and he knew some of
the doctors quite well. The doctors used to tell him that whenever they
have a headache, they are not willing to take PANADOL / PARACETAMOL.

In fact, the would turn to Herbal Medicine or find other alternatives.
This is because Panadol is toxic to the body, and it harms the liver.
According to the doctor: Panadol will remain in the body for at least 5
years.....!!

And according to the doctor, there was an air-hostess who consumed
lots of Panadol as she needed to stand all the time and work under lots
of pressure. She's now in her early 30's, and she is undergoing kidney cleaning
(DIALYSIS) every month.

Whenever we have a headache, that's because it is due to the electron/
ION imbalance in the brain. Some alternative solution to cope with this
matter is Drink lots of water.

Another method will be to submerge your feet in a basin of warm water so
that it brings the blood pressure down from your throbbing head.

As Panadol is a pain killer, the more Panadol you take, the lesser would
be your threshold for pain (your endurance level for pain). We all will
fall ill as we age. Imagine that we had spent our entire life popping
quite a substantial amount of Panadol (Pain Killer), when you need to
have a surgery or operation,you will need a much more amount of general
anaesthesia.

The thought is scary enough to turn people to Herbal Medicine or other
healthier alternatives.

Value your health, value your life, THINK TWICE before you easily pop
that familiar pill into your mouth again.

Please don't take PANADOL always.

Man killed by Mobile Phone

A man has been killed in India after the mobile phone he was using exploded, according to reports.

Related photos / videos

The victim, named as 23-year-old Gopal Gujjar, suffered serious injuries to his right ear, neck and shoulders.

There were no witnesses to the incident - but it was assumed he was talking on his Nokia when the blast happened in the northern state of Rajasthan.

His body was found along with the remains of the phone and battery near his farm in Banda village, Kota, reported the Times of India.

Police believe he was killed by the device after discovering pieces of the Nokia 1209 handset, a basic model released in August 2008, scattered nearby.

The victim had gone into a forest to tend to his grazing cattle around noon and his body was recovered later that night.

The Times of India said it was probably the first incident in the country where a mobile phone had exploded while it was not being charged.

In January this year, a 27-year-old housewife in Kadapa was killed while she was talking to her husband using a Chinese-made mobile and charging it at the same time.

Deaths due to mobile phone explosions have been reported in countries such as China, South Korea and Nepal.

However, the South Korean incident was later exposed as a hoax.

:: Sky News Online was waiting a response from Nokia to news of the reported death.

If Microsoft Built Cars

1. A particular model year of car wouldn't be available until AFTER
that year,instead of before.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would just die for no reason, you'd have
to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept
this.
4. You could only have one person at a time in your car, unless you
bought a car '95 or a car NT, but then you'd have to buy more
seats.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car. If you
didn't upgrade it you wouldn't be able to drive on the newer
roads.
6. Sun Motorsystems would make a car that was solar powered, twice
as reliable, 5 times as fast, but only ran on 5% of the roads.
7. The oil, alternator, gas, engine warning lights would be
replaced with a single " General Car Fault " warning light.
8. People would get excited about the " new " features in Microsoft
cars, forgetting completely that they had been available in
other brands for years.
9. We would still be waiting on the " 6000 sux 58'" model to come
out.
10. We'd all have to switch to Microsoft Gas (tm).
11. Lee Iacocca would be hired-on as Bill G.'s chauffeur.
12. The US government would be GETTING subsidies from an automaker,
instead of giving them.
13. New seats will force everyone to have the same size ass.
14. There would be a lot of built-in problem indicators that all say
the same thing: " Something is not working right."

New Tricks of Conmen

It is about 1 week ago, I was moving around town.
I was approached by 2 men and 2 women in a
car. The man that was driving asked me 'What kind of perfume
do you wear?'

I was a bit confused and I asked him 'Why?' He said 'We are selling
some name brand perfumes, at cheap prices.' I said I had no money. He
then reached out of the car and handed me a paper that was laminated;
it had many perfumes on it. I looked quickly at it and
gave it back. I said, I have no money.

He said it is OK, we take cheques, cash or credit cards. Then the
people in the car began to laugh. I just said no
thanks and moved away.

Then I received this e-mail yesterday and it sent chills up my spine.
Please read this. It is not joke. Here is the e-mail I was sent:


Dear Friends:

I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but I am
hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mother,
sisters,
etc.. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day. Pipe bombs in
mailboxes and sickos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful.

I was approached yesterday afternoon around 3:30 pm in a car park by
two males who asked what kind of perfume I was wearing. Then
they asked if I'd like to sample some fabulous scent they were
willing to sell me at a very reasonable rate.

I probably would have agreed had I not received an e-mail some weeks
ago warning of a 'Wanna smell this neat perfume? ‘scam. Someone walks
up to you at the malls or in parking lots and asking
you to SNIFF PERFUME that they are selling at a cheap price. THIS
IS NOT PERFUME...IT IS ETHER! When you sniff it, you'll pass out.
They'll take your wallet, your valuables and heaven knows what else.

The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for
someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, pointing
at them and told her about how I was sent an e-mail at work.

If it were not for this article, I probably would have sniffed the
'perfume' but thanks to the generosity of an e-mailing friend, I was
spared whatever might have happened to me. I wanted to do the same for you....


PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG TO ALL YOUR WOMEN FRIENDS AND
PLEASE BE ALERT AND BE AWARE. IF YOU ARE A MAN AND
RECEIVE THIS, PASS IT ON TO YOUR WIFE/WOMEN FRIEND.

Lie detecting robot

John was a salesman's delight when it came any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up getting him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him of his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We reall watched a tape call 'Sex Queen'."

"I'm ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.