New Tricks of Conmen

It is about 1 week ago, I was moving around town.
I was approached by 2 men and 2 women in a
car. The man that was driving asked me 'What kind of perfume
do you wear?'

I was a bit confused and I asked him 'Why?' He said 'We are selling
some name brand perfumes, at cheap prices.' I said I had no money. He
then reached out of the car and handed me a paper that was laminated;
it had many perfumes on it. I looked quickly at it and
gave it back. I said, I have no money.

He said it is OK, we take cheques, cash or credit cards. Then the
people in the car began to laugh. I just said no
thanks and moved away.

Then I received this e-mail yesterday and it sent chills up my spine.
Please read this. It is not joke. Here is the e-mail I was sent:


Dear Friends:

I know not all of you are women that I am sending this to, but I am
hoping you will share this with your wives, daughters, mother,
sisters,
etc.. Our world seems to be getting crazier by the day. Pipe bombs in
mailboxes and sickos in parking lots with perfume. Be careful.

I was approached yesterday afternoon around 3:30 pm in a car park by
two males who asked what kind of perfume I was wearing. Then
they asked if I'd like to sample some fabulous scent they were
willing to sell me at a very reasonable rate.

I probably would have agreed had I not received an e-mail some weeks
ago warning of a 'Wanna smell this neat perfume? ‘scam. Someone walks
up to you at the malls or in parking lots and asking
you to SNIFF PERFUME that they are selling at a cheap price. THIS
IS NOT PERFUME...IT IS ETHER! When you sniff it, you'll pass out.
They'll take your wallet, your valuables and heaven knows what else.

The men continued to stand between parked cars, I guess to wait for
someone else to hit on. I stopped a lady going towards them, pointing
at them and told her about how I was sent an e-mail at work.

If it were not for this article, I probably would have sniffed the
'perfume' but thanks to the generosity of an e-mailing friend, I was
spared whatever might have happened to me. I wanted to do the same for you....


PLEASE PASS THIS ALONG TO ALL YOUR WOMEN FRIENDS AND
PLEASE BE ALERT AND BE AWARE. IF YOU ARE A MAN AND
RECEIVE THIS, PASS IT ON TO YOUR WIFE/WOMEN FRIEND.

Lie detecting robot

John was a salesman's delight when it came any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up getting him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

"Where you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy.

The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

"Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy.

The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him of his chair. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We reall watched a tape call 'Sex Queen'."

"I'm ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents."

The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair.

Are you Corporate???

Just read this posting from Isaac and I found it sooooo true!!

My colleagues and I recently had an argument as to whether we (in the media) qualify to be called corporate. One of my colleagues said “corporate” inKampala is a description of how one lives his/her life.

To most people, corporate means working in the private sector, especially the multi-national corporations; telecommunication companies; banks and to some extent, lawyers in good firms. However, in Kampala , a new trend has developed that helps identify the so-called corporates. These are young people in their twenties to mid thirties.

Monday to Friday are working days and the dress code has to depict corporate — designer shirts, shoes, a tie and trousers irrespective of where they were bought. The daring ones shop at high-class shops of the dent it leaves in their pockets not withstanding.

Usually, after a long working day, Mr. Corporate will dash to his favourite bar for a drink with his boys and it has to be at some of the relatively ‘happening’, upscale bars in Kampala, like Just kicking, Boda Boda, Fat boyz or Effendy’s.

It is easy to identify a corporate. Immediately one walks into a joint, you notice the shirt sleeves folded and tie loosened. He will stroll into the bar holding two phones and car keys in one hand with the other hand pocketed.

A corporate will sit at his favourite spot in the bar and order for a beer. Should I mention the mandatory plate of muchomo or pork? As corporates chat, the kabozi shifts from Obama’s policies to the Premiership and then to Formula one.

However, the thing that makes them easily noticed is that whether they are in a bar or night club, they will not take off the company tag.

A new phenomenon has developed amongst corporates. They stroll or jog in Kololo, a high-class residential area, dressed in their company T-shirts. They do this all in the name of exercising and one wonders; if they exercised in their suburbs, wouldn’t they keep fit?

A typical Kampala corporate must have a car, usually with the help of a bank loan. However, some are those lucky enough to drive company vehicles. They usually stay in places like Ntinda, Mutungo, Bukoto, Bugolobi and will not mind paying rent of up to sh500,000 a month, despite the fact that they earn between sh1m and sh1.5m monthly.

In a typical corporate’s home, you find state of the art home appliances, leather seats, a plasma screen, home theatre and surround system. The price of these gadgets is enough to buy a piece of land.

At social functions like the goat races, expect corporates in swarms. On weekends, the dress code is shorts and football jerseys with their names printed on the back. To them, the ‘happening’ place is the bar with the biggest TV screens, showing international football.

Weekends are also set aside for shopping at big malls including Shoprite, Game, Uchumi or Nakumatt. Some people drive all the way from Luzira toGarden City just to buy a detergent and bathing soap like the shops in their neighbourhood do not sell the items. If you want to identify a corporate shopping, just look out for the guy in shorts, holding a Black Berry phone, car keys and wallet in one hand and a Uchumi-branded kavera in the other hand. Some of them will hold a can of an energy drink.

Sundays are normally days for prayers. These corporates pray from Watoto Church , All Saints Cathedral, or Miracle Centre. So if you work in an office and do not do all the above, do not count yourself among Kampala corporate.

Mbu!!

Don't Tempt a Woman

A woman goes to Mozambique to attend a 2-week company training session.

Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.

She answers: "Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?

"The husband laughs and says: "A Mozambican girl!!!
"The woman keeps quiet and leaves.
Two weeks later they met at the airport and the husband asked:

"So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you."

"And, what happened to my gift?"

"What gift?" She asked.

"The one I asked for - the Mozambican girl, do you remember?"
"Oh, that" she said.
"Well, I did what I could;

Now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!"

The husband collapsed

Moral of the story:

Don't tempt a woman, She might be too Intelligent

And has a mean way of revenge".
I am out of here

Google Uganda launches two new local languages

Search engine company launches Runyakitara and Luo versions of its web interface with support of Makerere University.

Kampala, Uganda July 1 - Starting last week, over 5 million more people in Uganda will now be able to search for information on Google search engine using their native language. Today's launch of Runyakitara and Luo at Makerere University marked the fifth local language that is available on Google's Ugandan domain, Google.co.ug. Runyakitara and Luo are both 'umbrella' languages linking together several closely related dialects spoken in the Western and Northern parts of Uganda.

The languages were launched as part of an ongoing volunteer program known as Google-in-Your-Language, which is designed to give anyone the tools to translate Google services into languages in which they are fluent. Thanks to this program, as well as Google’s other efforts to localize products, the Google homepage itself now appears in more than 100 languages.

In the case of these two new Ugandan languages, a group of IT and language students at Makerere, professional translators and journalists, led by Makerere IT staff member Florence Tushabe, came together to translate and review over 10,000 English words. "A group of 30 people took part in intense discussions that culminated in the formulation of new words and the adaptation of existing ones to represent the technical computing jargon. It was very fulfilling", said Florence, speaking about some of the challenges involved.

Dean of IT faculty at Makerere University, Dr. Josephine Nabukenya, speaking at the launch remarked, "It is estimated that only 10% of Uganda is computer literate. Local language versions of technology, such as in Google Search, will reduce this intimidation and allow wider group to interact more freely with the internet, eventually leading to increased publishing in local languages".

Denis Gikunda, Project Manager at Google said "It is truly exciting to see a group of people so passionate about technology and their native languages. This initiative is a great example of how the internet encourages user participation from cultural and linguistic communities."

Google continues to adapt its products for local users across Africa, whilst meeting international standards, and plans to increase local language support to more products. In addition to 5 Ugandan languages, Google previously launched Trader, an SMS classifieds service and SMS Health Tips, with Uganda selected as the pilot country globally.

About Google
Google's innovative search technologies connect millions of people around the world with information every day. Founded in 1998 by Stanford Ph.D. students Larry Page and Sergey Brin, Google today is a top web property in all major global markets. Google's mission in Africa is to make the internet an integral part of everyday life in Africa, by increasing it's relevance and usefulness here, eliminating access barriers for potential users, and developing products that are meaningful for the countries in the region.

Hard Financial Times

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker.

She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says: "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and asks: "How much?"

She says: "A hundred dollars."

He says: "Shit. All I've got is thirty."

She says: "Hold on."

She runs back to Harry and says: "What can he get for thirty dollars?"

Harry says: "A hand job".

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a hand job. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE male unit.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says: "I'll be right back." She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly: "Harry, can you lend this guy seventy bucks?".

Gal giving directions

A Girl is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A , and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you"

The boyfriend says: "Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow ?"

"Banange... You're not coming empty-handed, are you